Brittle
by klutzysunshine
Summary: Spoilers and speculation for the rest of season two. Kevin seeks support from Randall again after hitting rock bottom.


**I don't own This Is Us and never will. No copyright infringement intended. Warnings for mentions of depression, alcoholism, drug addiction, a miscarriage, and a suicide attempt.**

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Kevin gradually came to with a groan and the first thing he noticed was how white the walls were. He turned his head and came face to face with Randall, sitting in a chair next to bed. And yup, he was in a hospital. What had happened to him? "Randall," he whispered.

His brother jolted awake and awkwardly smiled at him. "Hey, Kevin. How are you feeling?"

"Fuzzy. Tired," Kevin answered honestly, still a little groggy. "What happened?"

The smile slipped off Randall's face. "You don't remember?"

"Not really." And he was suddenly terrified to find out why exactly he had ended up in a hospital in the first place. What had he done?

His brother sighed. "You mixed alcohol and Vicodin, and it did not end well. I found you passed out in the bedroom and called 911. This was last night."

"Oh," Kevin said. Then he went silent and stilled himself, hoping that Randall would just leave it alone. No such luck.

"Kevin, was it an accident?" Randall finally ventured, terrified to discover the truth. He already knew the answer but needed to hear it from Kevin himself.

"Yeah. I wasn't thinking straight, obviously," he lied and laughed nervously. "Hey, where is everybody else?"

"They're down in the cafeteria. Kevin, don't lie to me."

"I'm not lying."

"Kevin, look me in the eye and tell me that you accidentally overdosed." Randall didn't know why he had volunteered to stay with Kevin and confront him when he woke up but he was determined to help his brother.

Kevin shuddered. "I can't! Are you happy now?" he finally snapped.

"No, I'm not happy. I could never be happy that you overdosed, tried to kill yourself. What's wrong?" he pressed.

Kevin's whole body started to shake but he ignored it as the tears started falling. "Everything," he finally answered. Sobbing, he turned his head back around the other way so he wouldn't have to face his obviously disappointed brother.

"No. Kevin, you don't get to ignore me." Acting on impulse, Randall stood up and climbed into the bed. He was a little caught off guard when Kevin turned back around and immediately latched onto him. "I want to help you, Kevin. Just please tell me how." They had already set up a stay with a rehab facility (wanting to get ahead of everything) and just hoped Kevin agreed to go.

Kevin sobbed once more. "I'm an empty shell," he began.

Randall stared at him, horrified, but quickly schooled his expression so he didn't hurt him even further. "Why would you think that?"

"Because I am. There's nothing left to give, Randall. Dad dying destroyed me, and there's no way back. I'm broken in ways that cannot be fixed."

Randall hurt for his brother and quickly ran his head through Kevin's hair to soothe him. "And how did the alcohol and Vicodin come into play?" The Vicodin had likely come into play after he re-injured his knee and needed surgery but he needed to be sure. And he kicked himself for not noticing earlier that Kevin was clearly in pain.

"When I hurt my knee. I know I fucked up but I needed it so I could deal with the numbness. And instead, I fucked things up with Sophie again and slept with a doctor - Charlotte from high school - just to get her prescription pad. And then I lost Dad's necklace in her house - the only thing I have left of his - and she wouldn't give it back. She wouldn't give it back, Randall."

Randall resolved to deal with the necklace situation later (as soon as possible) and turned his attention back to Kevin. "What happened after you couldn't get the necklace back?"

Kevin clung to him even more. "I fell apart outside her house and begged for someone to help me," he admitted, trying to choke back more sobs and failing. "I went to you because I knew you would help but then I found out about Kate losing the baby and my problems - I - didn't matter anymore. She was more important, and I was okay with that. So I tried to deal with it on my own and couldn't. I tried so fucking hard, Randall."

Randall rocked him back and forth a little bit and ran a hand down his back to try to soothe him. "I know you did. I wish you had said something - yes, Kate was dealing with something big but so were you. You are important, Kevin. Don't ever think you aren't. I would have helped you if you just asked." He felt guilty he had been so caught up in everything else he had just assumed Kate's miscarriage was why Kevin had shown up to see him.

Kevin's sobs continued, unabating. "Please don't leave me. Don't go," he begged.

"I'm not going anywhere, Kev. I'm staying right here, as long as you need me," he assured him. This was certainly unusual for Kevin but they were in uncharted territory right now.

"Please don't go," Kevin repeated, and his grip on Randall tightened just a little bit more.

Randall didn't know how to tell his brother that he was wrong about his view of himself but nothing was going to work right now anyway - Kevin wasn't thinking straight. They could better deal with his problems once he was in rehab, getting therapy, and sober. But he'd try his hardest anyway. "I love you, Kevin."

"Love you too," Kevin murmured back, surprising even himself. Had they ever said those words to each other before? He wasn't sure.

"All of us are going to be there for you to get you through this. You're not alone, Kevin, no matter what you think. Got it?"

Kevin nodded miserably. "Got it," he answered, his voice raspy.

Randall held him and didn't let go, even when Kevin cried himself to sleep. That's how Rebecca, Kate, and Beth found them just fifteen minutes later when they finally returned. "How is he?" a worried Kate asked.

"Not good. He's depressed," Randall responded. He froze when Kevin shifted but his brother quickly settled down and continued to sleep.

"I wish I had seen he was in trouble sooner." Kate was kicking herself for missing seeing the pain her brother was in.

Randall sighed. "He told me that he came to me for help a few weeks ago but upon discovering you lost the baby, he thought his problems - that he - didn't matter."

"Fuck." That was the only word Kate could find and it accurately described the situation they were all currently facing.

"Pretty much."

"He's not going to do this alone. We'll make sure of it," Rebecca vowed as she watched her sons.

"Right. Kevin is what matters most right now." Kate didn't know the full story and intended to get it out of her brother soon but she'd be there for her twin.

"Good, I'm glad you two are on board." Randall couldn't believe Kevin was sleeping through this but he had been through a lot so it made sense.

"You're a pretty good brother, kiddo," Rebecca told Randall with a smile.

"Thanks. Kevin was there for me during my breakdown and I'm returning the favor." It was more than that and they all knew it.

Although he didn't know it yet, Kevin was finally on the road to recovery and it wouldn't be easy - he'd stumble quite a bit - but he could finally start to properly deal with Jack's death. And the Pearsons all sat down together and talked honestly about their grief for the first time since the fire that destroyed everything. Randall also managed to track down Charlotte and get Jack's necklace back for Kevin.


End file.
